Dreaming of the Madre

A picture of a picture so kind of blurry but this is my favorite picture of my mom holding me as a baby.

My mom died in 2004 when I was 15.  Shortly after her death I had a dream where we were sitting on a front porch in some rocking chairs chatting.  All of the sudden there was an accident down the road that included someone important. (I never figured out who that person was but I knew they were important to me) In the dream I had the biggest sense of urgency to run to the accident to help but at the same time could not leave my mom.  She looked at me and told me to go.  She told me she loved me and I would be ok and then she told me to go.  We hugged and I ran to the accident and woke up before ever returning to the porch with my mom.   I have never read a whole lot into the meaning of that dream but only remembered how happy I was to see her face and hear her voice again after her passing.

In the past seven years I can count on one hand the times she has reappeared in my dreams and each time it is like a sweet treat from her. One night this week I had another dream with her in it.  It actually turned out to be a scary dream in which we thought there was someone in our house but just turns out they were creeping in the car (i have issues with the fear of being kidnapped).  Anyways before the scary part started my mom and I were laying in her bed talking and she was laughing her amazing witchy cackle laugh and it was wonderful.  And when she smiled she had her old crossed teeth smile that was pre-braces.  What a tender mercy to let me get to see her face and hear her voice just like I remember it :)

The next day while I was at the gym I listened to a recording my mom had made talking to my sister on her mission. The recording includes her sweet voice, my brother singing, and a Sunday family dinner.  It was recorded on the 17th of October of 2003  The tears began to fall right there, hopefully blending in with the sweat from showing that elliptical who's boss, as I listened to the life that I had 8 years ago at this time.  I miss that life sometimes. Actually a lot of the time.  And regardless of my knowledge and faith in eternal families and being able see my mom again some days I just want her to be here with me now.  But she can't.  So I must wipe away the tears and carry on knowing that someday I will see her again and it will be sweeter than any dream.   

Oh how I miss that amazing mother of mine.



sweet or tart?
sweet tender mercy