Identity

I keep wanting to post some short fun posts about things going on in my life but there's not much of that going on right now. My daily routine is pretty much the same everyday and I'm in "fight senioritis / get this ish all done" mode right now.  I will post about my roommates beautiful wedding last week as soon as I can get a hold of some pictures.  It was so perfect for her and I'm so glad I get to love her.

Anyways, I do want to write about a discussion I had with my other roommate last night so this might be another wordy thoughtful piece.  Maybe that's just what I am- wordy and thoughtful. :)

She and I were talking about the many different cultures you experience if you live in Laie and attend BYUH.  It is one of the biggest blessings and most life-changing events to date for me.  We were also talking about how our identities are in many ways so similar to our parents and siblings and yet different.

She is Samoan, both parents from Samoa, was born and raised in Utah, and is LDS. She was telling me about the three identities she feels she has.  Her Samoan identity is so giving- so so giving as they are.  You give even if you go without knowing that it will come back to you from someone else giving.  It is beautiful and flawed.  Then, her American identity that has taught her to fend for herself and those very close to her first. To be independent and somewhat untrusting, but you always know you and yours are taken care of. It is beautiful and flawed.  Lastly, her LDS identity where she is more equal in giving to others and taking care of herself.  Where there is a good balance that can be hard to obtain.  It is beautiful.

I was telling her how growing up I was always more of a compassionate giver.  Someone needs a ride- I'll give it to them.  They can't afford some food- I'll buy it for them or invite them over to eat with us.  Someone needs a desk- we have an extra they can have. Although I know it was appreciated there are members of my family, a parent in particular, who is just as giving but not as trusting.  They didn't like me inviting maybe "rougher" friends over to partake in what we had at our home.  Don't get me wrong they would do anything they could to help someone out but they have a greater sense of _______. I can't think of the word. Not paranoia or distrust- safety maybe? I don't know for sure.  They would always just air on the side of "You can never be too safe" and I would air on the side of "I'm sure they're a good person and just need some help".

At time it left me feeling a little bit out of place.  Was this side of me that is different wrong? Or even dangerous and silly?

Recently a previous Young Womens President, who I think knows me well, was on the island and I got to meet up with her.  She told me in the few days she had spent in Hawaii, she just kept thinking how at home I must feel here.  Not only because I have always loved tan and brown skin which is everywhere here! but also because a lot of the locals and other Polynesians that live here are "like me". That side of me that gives even if I have to go without or maybe even gives too freely that didn't always fit with a lot of the cultural identities around me in the mainland- they are here and that part of me fits so well.

This was such a sweet small revelation to me last night to put this all together.  As I am making some big decisions in my life that some people don't understand or agree with it reminded me how aware I am of who I am. And parts of that might be different than the "norm" that people know and understand for themselves.  But I know me. And I know that my Heavenly Father knows me even better and is guiding me according to who I am and what I can do.

I love me. Beautiful and flawed.

*** Disclaimer- I know the identities I put related to certain cultures do not represent everyone in that culture. I know we are all unique and stuff :) That was just a very blanket minimal description.

Sweet or tart?
I'm a sweet Peach :)