Madame Ana

Although I kept a journal (but not a real great one) while I was in Fiji I keep telling myself I need to get on here and write of my experiences.  They changed me so much and I never want to forget them.  I am going to try and write more about my experiences there or things to do with Fiji here.

My feeling of nostalgia has still not left me and is turning into an overall sentimental-at-everything feeling.  It is only 57 days until my sisters will be here and I graduate.  This afternoon I wanted to be active but didn't want to go to the gym so I went to the beach and swam until the sunset. It was so beautiful.  And although I don't want to stay here forever for the first time a little piece of me felt sad I will be leaving.  Being able to go to the beach anytime I please is such a calming option I take for granted too often.

                                               
                                                          Tokasa and I

When I came home I started reading a blog about an LDS women with 5 children, one of whom has a disability. I ended up reading for a lot longer than I realized and found myself crying at her words.  Mostly about being with siblings, parents, and nieces and nephews.  Sometimes I wonder if my attachment to my family is weird and excessive.  I decided it's not. And even if it is I don't care.  My heart has been away from them for too long. I can not wait to go back and soak them in.

                                                               
                                                  Meroni and Vane

In my sentimental-I-miss-home mode I decided I would call Lakeba, my village in Fiji, and talk to Mone.  Much to my surprise my favorite class 7 girls answered the phone.  Tears sprang to my eyes to hear their voices.  They told me about their day at school and that the class 7 & 8 teacher is leaving next year and pleaded for me to come back.  They switched the phone so often I couldn't keep up with who I was talking to but I just kept saying "I miss you", "I just want to hug you", "Be good in school".  They quickly told me Mone was visiting the next village with Nana, his mom.  I told them I didn't care and I wanted to talk to them.  I could feel their smiles through the phone. They kept telling me I should come back to the village and marry so I could be with them forever and  we laughed and laughed.  They kept saying "Madame!" and I would say "yes? io?" over and over again. And then I would laugh because it was chaos and then they would laugh because "Madame you sound like a Fijian.  The whole village will know you called because you laugh so loud".  And then as we hung up they all started yelling "I love you Madame!!!".  My heart feels so full and empty. So full that I have had the opportunity to meet them, know them, and love them.  Those beautiful smiles who get up so early to do chores, study as hard as they can, shyly dance, and confidently play net ball, and accept people without judgment made me realize how great I could be. So empty because they are so far away.  I wish I could squeeze them tight and shake my booty with them right now. I wish I could give them the opportunities I and so many other girls have here in the states they will only ever dream of.

                                     
Me and my Diviti girl who told me on the second day- "Madame I have chose you to love the most. I know you will be my best Madame." What a honor to to have been chose by her. I love her so.

I am so grateful Heavenly Father gave me the tender mercy of getting to talk to them today.  It was just what I needed. A reminder of what and who really matters.  And an inspiration to one day become like them.

Sweet or tart?
Are my post always sweet? :)