At this moment I am sitting upstairs in the Ah Sue's home/ my home. I am procrastinating writing a paper that needs to be done before I head to Mickey D's for work. I am coming off of a high of Italian food, ice-cream, and lots of laughs with friends last night. A happy night. A night I needed. I wanted to do something crazy. I wanted to do something I shouldn't do. I wanted to get my nose pierced. I love that my crazy is the norm for some people. I decided I was going to do it. It was no big deal. And if not my nose definitely another ear piercing. I know the Prophet said I shouldn't but at least I'm no longer doing the other bad stuff he said I shouldn't do. Piercing crazy isn't really that bad. I can take it out when I'm over it. The skin will eventually grow back over. It's really not that big of a deal, right? And then in the last moments the lines from a blessing I received wouldn't stop coming to my mind. The words that I have been blessed with the gift of not only knowing when right is right and wrong is wrong but the blessing of having the desire to follow what I know. And I knew that was wrong. In that moment I was faced with two desires- the desire to do something wrong and crazy and fun and what I "wanted" to and the desire to follow the Prophet in the small things and come closer to the Lord. So I chose to go to Wally world and bought new bright lipstick. And the whole drive home this quote from Elder Holland's talk Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments that I love ran through my mind. "self-control. And I submit to you that you will never be more like God at any other time in this life than when you are expressing that particular power." I had self-control last night. Something I don't always have. I did it. And it was still a fun night full of laughs and smiles and NO REGRETS. I made memories I want to have.
Then, just now, as I was reading blog posts from women I admire who I've never met- it hit me. I don't have to change the world. I just have to change me. Change me into the best I can be. Every day with my little choices. And then use all those little good choices to make me strong, happy, and able to serve others.I don't have to fix everyone else's problems. I just want to make someone smile everyday. Make their day a little better. Start with one person a day and hopefully as I grow and get fixed I can help more people grow and get fixed. But that making one person smile- it's important and it's worth it.
This is what I want the rest of my life to be. Growing, changing, fixing, bettering, loving myself so I can help others grow, change, fix, better, and love themselves.
sweet or tart?
sweet.
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